While we are taking a break and the Koala Smartass is still at large, we got a visit from the ‘cousin’ Kangaroo Quack and she offered to give us her raw first thoughts about the season opener. Her spelling and grammar and memory is not very good. She just jots down what she thinks – so here is her thoughts about last night’s Hawaii Five-0 S08E01
Opening scene: We see happy Hawaii and some sort of pool lifeguard trying to control some rich kids around the pool.
Our two Five-0 knights come to save her from her misery – with a proposition of some undercover work on campus to catch a hacker dude. She says no – and I would also say no, because it is not as if they offer her some permanent job or something. She does not look like a one night stand type of girl.
Danny immediately identifies with her, because he knows how it feels to be harassed by young kids on vacation.
But Steve plays hardball and tells her she does not really have a choice ….. And he tells her that he knows that she is a broken toy. And we all know he likes to fix broken toys. And he even boost about the one toy he fixed so well that he moved to San Francisco to be the task-boss there ….
Next thing, together with some annoying music, we see an older balder “Eric” eye-sexting some young chicks on campus. He taps on his computer while trying to look mean – and oops, alarms go of in Halawa prison when a cell is opened ….. Cell F5 – so that is what F5 stands for on my keyboard?
The guards are locked in and mean arsonist Duclair emerges from the cell. And as he walks, more doors open up and without the guards being able to stop him he can walk straight out of the prison door into the “light”. My first thought – “Is he going to heaven?”
But I get no answer because the “Happy” Five-0 song is playing and they show lots of new faces with the song. Some “new” but not so new and one really new one that we just saw by the pool – so I guess the job offer was more permanent than what Steve let on. We see happy Hawaii again and new girl rides her scooter somewhere (or is it Jerry’s scooter?) All I can think of is that she (Kono 2.0) upgraded from Kono riding an ordinary bicycle – or maybe Jerry upgraded and she is now driving his old scooter? We know she is home, because they tell us that on screen. At home there’s a young dude playing video games. Boyfriend or brother? She unplug him because he is rude and does not want to answer her question. – Mystery solved, he calls he sis and walks out.
Next we are in China town in a place with lots and lots of arches (just like the many arcs of Five-0) and the short knight is waving his arms around and telling the tall knight to look. He gets so excited he even jogs around to show off his BIG kitchen. And the short knight basically goes on his knees to propose to the tall knight. It is so romantic …. But Steve is not convinced. He does not want to get so serious yet – maybe 7 years of romancing is not enough for such a commitment?. But Danny keeps flapping his arms around and begging Steve in a crying voice, that this will be fun. Neither I nor Steve seem convinced!
Steve scratches his head and says he is flattered with the proposal, but says it is not his dream – Neither is it mine …. Never been so happy before to hear Steve’s phone ring and save the moment.
Next the team is commiserating around the magic table about how Duclair walked right out of prison with the help of some world-class hacking. Eric runs in and he is not older or balder – so that means dude on campus must have been a brother and not him aging during hiatus – but oops, it’s not HIS brother (He’s a Jonas brother, it seems, (W)right) ?),
And big dude Grover is immediately pissed about the guy who kidnapped his daughter 4 years ago, because he was also a brother, (W)right.
And Steve still asks questions, and like an answer from the heavens the bald “brother” starts talking to them …. through their big TV’s on the wall. And he tells them that he is not from heaven, but from hell.
Next we see Duclair walk into a burnt place, looking mad because he did not start it. Somebody might be pissing on his parade again. He is there with some Asian guys who look like they want answers from him. And he is sniffing and tasting and touching and rubbing everything to get that answer ….
Grover and Jerry find some answers about bald dude (Aaron Wright) – He thinks he is some sort of Vampire detective and travels under the name Mick St John. And Alex keeps a straight face and all the fan girls scream with pleasure at the thought of ‘Magic Mick’.
Steve is pissed and he kicks down hotel room doors – he could have asked for it to be opened I guess? And again the computer is talking to him … And I am starting to get just as confused as our two knights now, because apparently we are looking for Waldo now … but apparently he is very busy.
And again like in the pilot episode somebody knows that Steve’s phone is going to ring before it rings – and Duclair is starting fires and killing people it seems .
Some dude is deadly burned and Kimmy (sorry, but in my mind Noelani is Kimmy) says he died of smoke inhalation because he could not move on account of the bullets in his knee caps. And Grover whispers to the crispy corps dude …. And the fire-fighter guy who looks nothing like my fire-fighter calendar guys, says that it is all too messy to be Duclair.
And Kimmy is very good, because she easily identifies the burned body right there on site. He is a dude who likes to start fires himself ….. Apparently this dude burned down a drug lord’s house and all his merchandise. And the drug lord got Duclair out to tell him who did it etc ….
They storm the drug lord’s other house and somebody overcooked the dudes there as well – the team members must be kind of psychic because without Kimmy, they decide that it is the Lord Randy and his sons. They gave Duclair a taste of fire and now he can’t stop himself. But Duclair is not very grateful to those who set him free – he is scared they will have him captured again so that is why he crisped them – well that is Steve’s theory in any case.
Oops, next thing we see Bald Mick being “gasolined” by Duclair – the door gets a knock and in walks “new” girl. She must have taken Steve’s offer? And she jumps Randy … I mean Duclair. And when I say jump, I mean really jumps him. And once again the knights save her from herself – twice in one episode now I guess. And it seems the girl has a mind of her own and visited Dude Mick on her own, without them knowing she is doing it. How she got the info about who he was and where he is, only she knows – she must be good!
And Duclair runs and locks himself in the closet and Danny tries to kick the door open like Steve does, but it does not work and Grover shoots it open …. Just to see Duclair running. And Grover stays with bald dude and thinks his is in Chicago now, because he hits the guy without any reason other than a big mouth.
And the new girl already does not listen to Steve – People were scared she will be Kono 2.0 but it seems like she is Danny 2.0. – Disobeying Steve, But Danny gets confused and thinks she is like Steve??
And apparently she runs faster that both the knights – And Randy throws his stunt double out of a red Mustang and drives off. And they track the Mustang and the boys are chasing him with the Camaro …. And new girl wants Steve to go faster … oh boy, daddy’s gonna enjoy this ride?
And for some reason The Camaro and Grover’s trucks are faster than the Mustang and they caught up with him just to see him park next to the forest and run again …..
And just like that all FOYeur’s wishes of the last 5 Seasons are granted and Steve strips for the new girl – but they immediately kill the moment when they have all the time in the world to debate about whether or not to give her a gun?
And Steve is in a tracker mood and he sniffs like Mick now? And all the fangirls faint! But it is the forest that is on fire ……
And Kamekona ( who is main cast now) and Nahele get some screen time and hear the news of Armageddon and they see the smoke – and I am not sure if Kamekona wants to help them, or make money from the fire-fighters?
And suddenly Steve sniffs out Duclair? How, I guess we will never know. And Paul and Randy, and Randy and Alex, all grapple a bit and slap each other around. And Steve does not want to let go of his toy, but new girl seems to get the fact that they are surrounded by fire and shoots Duclair in the knee ….
And we see the start of a new series – Hawaii-Fire coming to your screens soon?
And Duke is directing pedestrians …. (Because he is also main cast now I guess)
And Steve finds ‘little house in the fire‘ and maybe they can hide from the fire there? And Danny needs to know right now from Steve how long they will live, and he says that luckily they will suffocate before they burn. And we all need to stay low and wet … and my mind is in the gutter.
And Duke must have been in Danny’s company too long, because he is waving his arms ….
And Duclair gets all randy and poetic about fires and how it is torturing Steve – but he does not know Steve is a super-duper hero and he signed a contract till the end of the season … And Grover is back in Chicago and whacks Duclair again with a bowl. (And I think of ‘blind’ Sang Min)
And Steve thinks a person in a helicopter will see him through the smoke and hear him screaming about all the noise around them? And Randy breaks free and must have forgotten that he is shot in the knee by new girl, because he runs fast. And Danny needs to go and do some target practise because he can’t even shoot wounded Duclair running away?
And just as the new girl starts thinking that she should have stayed at the pool, we hear a helicopter – And it is STEVE. And he must have stolen a helicopter somewhere ….. And they all argue about who should be saved first and Steve remembers that he watched UP with Alex’s kids last weekend and that houses can fly – he’s not only going to save them all, but the cabin as well and save the owner some insurance claim? And my first thought is that WoFat’s claw escape was nothing compared to this?
And they declare Duclair dead on the news …
And Tani sits on her porch (Well, actually just front steps). Why I don’t know? And Danny drives his own car to visit her …. And gives her a pep talk about working with Steve to make us feel all fuzzy. And we see how Scott’s stand-in actor chats with Meaghan and tells her about Grace hunting sex traffickers on the mainland.
And next thing Grover takes his daughter to see a blue movie – I mean enter the blue room with a gagged bald “Mick”. And he lives out some sort of S & M fantasy ….
And we are back in the place with the many arches and I can hear a lot of blah, blah blah – but there is nothing to hear because beaten up Alex looks sexy and I cannot stop looking at his gorgeous face and think that this is why I am here watching this show, to see him be all sexy and do his thing ….