#AlexOLoughlin – News about gardens and other stuff …

So, we got this in, fresh from the press.

Hope you enjoy it as much as we did …. 😀

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is goofy-al-cl-n.jpg


For The Voice of Honolulu

by Chicky Merrygoat


As always, Alex is doing his best to be invisible, but I was able to corner him while he was buying some leeks and turnips at the Farmer’s Choicest Vegetables Shop in Pupukea.

But, by now, you all know me, Chicky Merrygoat as the tenacious journalist that I am. Once I am focused on my prey, I do not let go.

Lucky for me, Alex realized that if he wanted to get home on time to start cooking his Outer Mongolian stew, his best option was to accept to be interviewed there and then.

I guess he hoped that it would be a quick affair and that he would have time to purchase nutmeg, which he had forgotten but was vital for his stew.

Chicky Merrygoat: Hi Alex!

AOL: Hi Chicky!

CM: Long time no see! Where have you been hiding after your trip to Seattle? I tried to peek inside your garden, perched on the shoulders of my photographer to look over your fence, but could see nothing. Only greenery.

AOL: Ah yes… well… Our gardener is not coming because of the bug, and I let the garden grow into a jungle. It saves me a lot of work and it’s useful as an inviolable obstacle. Totally antipaparazzi, you see. I intensely dislike people taking and posting pictures of me without asking.

It’s really beautiful! I now have lots of palm trees, lianas, and giant ornamental weeds.

In a matter of weeks, I’ll be able to move Tarzan-like through my junglized garden with the Lianas. I also have colorful parrots and frenzied baboons and marmosets, and I’m toying with the idea of getting a crazy panther or two as additional protection.

You know… paparazzi can be so invasive… They have panthers available on Amazon, but only pink ones, and I like my panthers black, Bagheera-like.

I’m also thinking of training the parrots to screech ‘Buzz off or I’ll shoot you’ or possibly ‘Freeze or you’re a dead man!”. You can never be too careful. Oh, and I saw an interesting exotic pack on AliExpress, you know, one that contains 12 enraged mygales + 6 demented cobras. And it’s on special offer! So, I have a good mind to… well, I’ll see.

CM: So you really want to keep your privacy, don’t you? Well, thanks for the warning. I won’t gatecrash. And tell me, what did you do this morning before going to the market?

AOL: Well… Let me see… Oh yes, I had a shower.

CM: A shower! Well, that’s great news! So you have showers rather than baths?

AOL: An invigorating shower in the morning, with my face, turned upwards to let the water gently moisten my beautiful hazel-blue eyes, but a bath before bed. Hot water helps me a lot when my muscles hurt.

Only yesterday, my right leg was twisted around my neck and I couldn’t unroll it. Soaking in extremely hot water was the only way to get my legs parallel again.

CM: But why did you twist your leg around your neck in the first place?

AOL: Oh, it’s a common BJJ movement, you know. I do it all the time with no consequences. Except that yesterday I had my head elsewhere and I overdid it. BJJ can be strenuous, you know, and I practice a lot. Egan has planned a special training program for me next week, and it involves crossing both my feet on my nape while I whistle either ‘Strangers in the Night’ or Albinoni’s ‘Adagio in G Minor’.

My choice, Egan said. He cares for my musical peace of mind, you see, though I’d have chosen ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ myself, which I could have whistled as ‘Achy Breaky Legs’. In any case, he has explained to me it was an excellent exercise to simultaneously master breath control and strengthen abductors, so that’s it.

I don’t know how many gallons of scalding water I’ll need before I can sit again like a mammal, I mean with my feet on the ground, but if I want my black belt, well… whatever it takes.

CM: What kind of soap do you use. Any special brand? I am sure the fans would die to know.

AOL: Yes, of course! I use GI Body Wash. It’s part of the line of cosmetic products I am launching with my buddies at Trident. With the lockdown, Trident is not operating, and I couldn’t shoot that succulent, Oscar-winning role I was offered after Hawaii 5.0 came to an end, and we thought we had to do something to keep us busy.

CM: A line of cosmetic products! Now this is really exciting! When will they be commercialized?

AOL: They will be available online as soon as Beulah finishes creating our website. The problem is that we disagree about our corporate color. He favors a plain black, like the All Black, with the haka as a music background, but I much prefer an Indian ink black. I know, I know, you’ll say it’s the same, that black is black, but there you are wrong. There are many shades of black, as there are many shades of grey. And I’m adamant that my black must prevail, not his.

Firstly because I used to be a Lt. Commander and he a mere Corporal, and I strongly believe in hierarchy. Secondly, because I’m a stubborn Aussie and arguing with a stubborn Aussie is a waste of time, especially if it’s about the color black, and thirdly because he is unable to cook a decent Outer Mongolian stew, which disqualifies him as a color decision maker.

Beulah can have his haka music, but it will be my black or it will not be.  

CM: And tell me, how many products do you have so far?

AOL: Well, besides the GI Body Wash, so far we have a man’s fragrance, Eau de SEAL for Him, whose scent is really virile, reminiscent of the smell of an unwashed tiger, the After-Mission Moisturizing Cream, and the Warrior’s Rest Night Balm. We are also developing our Private’s Sore Feet Lotion, and our Ultimate AOL Six-Pack Cream.

We have done extensive market research and this product will be a winner, I can tell you. It seems that that time I emerged from the Pacific wearing blue swim trunks made an unforgettable impact on ladies.

Many men have emerged from the ocean wearing blue swim trunks before and since then, but somehow, they have gone unnoticed.

We would like to sell the promise of that perfect SEAL-like image.

CM: Oh yes, I well remember that god-like appearance and…

Alex… Alex? What? What are you mumbling? Nutmeg?

Okay, I take the hint.

Thank you for your time and good luck with your new venture!

Hope we can do a follow-up soon …

AOL: Aloha, Chicky!

Thanks to all the Alex-lovers, from all over the world, who are still looking in on us from time to time.

And a special thanks to those who also pass the time by participating behind the scenes and creating some anonymous fun …… like this.

Hope we’ll get some real news soon!



Filed under Alex O´Loughlin

26 responses to “#AlexOLoughlin – News about gardens and other stuff …

  1. OMG, this is too funny! I like my panthers black… I can’t stop laughing. Thanks for the find and posting, and thanks for the pictures! Chicky Merrygoat… LOL! She knows ‘our’ Alex.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Alphamumma39

      Alex can take me back to his treehouse and teach me the ways of the wilderness any time he likes.
      I’d even allow him to tie me up and keep me prisoner if he so liked. 😉


      Liked by 1 person

  2. Alphamumma39

    For Rent:
    Two black panthers, one male, one female, approx two years in age.
    Excellent hunters, very friendly and loving to their master/mistress, providing they get to eat what they kill. 😂😂😂😂
    Included is a build your own treetop hideaway, with all equipment needed to assist in your jungle adventures and to keep the creepers and peepers away.
    Clothing optional. 😜
    Hardened abs and strong legs are a non negotiable requirement to own this product.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Alphamumma39

      I would even help him construct his e_ect_o_.
      *Game Show Voice* Can you guess what the word is?


  3. Janno

    THX so much! He is too funny!


  4. Cindy

    Omg! I was like this does not sound like our alex or he’s been way too cooped up for way too long. He can be sarcastic but this was way over the top.You had me going. I’m thinking the eau de seal will be a big hit with the ladies. A sellout in mere seconds 🤣 thanks for this made me laugh and smile. Hope for some real news soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Alphamumma39

    Anyone else going to be dreaming of Alex in a loin cloth tonight swinging to save us?!?
    Oh but still my aching……….

    Liked by 1 person

  6. jenny roos

    Whooop, what a lovely surprise! So miss his sense if humour. Thank you for this bonus.


  7. lindae5o

    Too funny!! Thank you. We all need a good laugh!! I miss Alex so much!!


  8. Thanks Chicky! It is always great to hear from Alex! He is so funny! I believe everything about what he said reference BJJ, but the garden and man products, about 50%. I was most interested in his project after H50! Hope it happens after the New Year?! Love to Alex and his beautiful family! 🥰❤️💋


  9. Strangers in the night has a very handy ‘uuu’ sound. I would imagine in that situation, the ‘uuu’ sound will be really welcome. Plus, it ends with dee dee dee – kind of like “Oh Alex, why you do dis to you, why don’t you like you, you must learn to like you”.

    Also, if someone could record that as a serenade, it could please a whole bunch of people. I mean, just because he’s in pain doesn’t mean he can’t give pleasure to others – I know, I know, I can be such a byatch.

    Cool article though. Thanks a bunch for writing it. He should speak more. He definitely needs presence online.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Yobre

    Thank you for posting this and the pictures. It is so fun and made me laugh. Of course a special thank you to Chicky! Hope for some real news soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. thank you ever so much for this cleaver beautifully written piece of art. we all need good dreams like these in these hard times, This was a perfect gift, Thank You

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Thanks! But I’d rather want to see, hear what kind of movie we’re going to see Alex in again.
    Of course, it was also good to read this and get a little insight into how your days go.
    I hope you’re not busy with this BJJ, you’ll rather make a movie, to the delight of the fans.


  13. Array

    Thanks! This was fun & funny! Hope all is well with you both & your families.
    Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it in the fandom. Stay safe, looks like US is in the second wave now.


    • Alphamumma39

      We are currently in second lockdown here in UK, not that many are abiding by the rules with their ‘It won’t happen to me’ attitude.
      Please stay safe everyone, and even if others aren’t paying due care and attention, make sure you all follow the “Hands Face Space” advice.
      So when people look at you funny or make snide comments for wearing a mask, just know that you are being the responsible ones.
      As a former nurse, I would rather prevent someone getting the CV-19 virus, than have to explain to their loved ones that they are dying or dead because they ignored the advice.

      Liked by 2 people

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